A reality check, and a thank you

When I first had Ethan I made a list of the things that I thought I should be for him, and my children to come. I looked at some of the mothers I admired and came up with a goal for myself of what type of mother I wanted to be, here is just a short part of what I wrote :

A mother loves her children unconditionally, she knows them well enough to know their strengths and weaknesses, and helps them to overcome the weakness, and build upon the strengths. A mother is hopefully wise, and patient. She is continually an example, and a source of encouragement and strength. A mother teaches by example, and inspiration, and love.

I have been thinking a lot about this in the last few months, and have realised that that wisdom that I wanted comes through experience, and unfortunately often through trial and error. I do not claim to be wise yet, but I think I can say that I have learned a little in the almost three years that I have been a mother, and there are a lot of things I am starting to understand.

Even though I have tried to be good, I am as guilty as anyone else of saying my child will never ....., and after making a statement like that I have taken it a little too personally if it happens. I fell into the thinking that I must be doing something wrong, and that somehow this one action defined what kind of a mother I was. Then people, with the best of intentions I am sure, would tell me what I was doing wrong, and what I should try, and asked things like where did he learn that? etc.. and then I would really start to think that I was doing something wrong and that I needed to "fix it". Unfortunately this type of thinking led me to focus so much on the one behavior that I forgot to focus on helping to build on strengths. After a conversation with one of those mothers who I admire so much, I found that I was not alone in my struggles. If fact this mother had struggled with very similar situations and feelings. With the new found support and encouragement, and compassionate suggestions based on what she had learned from her struggles from her I realized that I was not failing, and that though I was not perfect, I still had the potential to be the mother that I had defined when I first became a mother. Since then I have focused more on the positive in myself and those around me, and I have found that things are better all around. I have also discovered that truly when you are less focused on what others think, you and those around you can, and do grow and relationships are strengthened.

So thank you to the mothers out there who keep trying even when they are frustrated, thank you to those who understand that there is no "perfect" way of doing things. Thank you to those who understand that we are all doing our best to be whatever our definition of a good mother is. Thank you to those who do not judge. Thank you to those who offer silent support and give words of encouragement and love. Thank you to all those who can and do love others for their strengths. From you I have learned more than I could ever express, and my life, and the lives of my family have been blessed by association with you.